Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
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