Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
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