people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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