dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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