he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
