i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
