You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
tell your sister to shave her snatch
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Randomize
