When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Randomize
