Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
