I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Randomize
