what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
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