OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Randomize
