I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
