He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
