I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Randomize
