sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
