Where are you?
In a non slutty way
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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