gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Randomize
