So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
