I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Randomize
