You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Randomize
