Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
