Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
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