dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
