It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
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