this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
