Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
