omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
why is half of my head shaved?
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
