Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
just tell him i said nine months
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
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