I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
