guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
he shaved USA in his pubs
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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