apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
We are all done wearing pants today
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
