did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
