I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Randomize
