I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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