just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
