I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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