I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
