I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
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