my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
