You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
they need to just BURY HIM!
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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