It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
He keeps bees of course he's weird
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
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