he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
The feeling are messing with the penis
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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