i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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