evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
