More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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