i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
