she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
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