dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
