The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Randomize
