"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
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