tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Randomize
